According to Net-a-porter, here are the top 14 trends of this season:

Now sure they are going into winter… but I gotta say this list depressed me. Why? Here’s my analysis:

1. baroque – yuck!

2. black and white – really? black and white just looks really, really dull in Australia. Already got way too much black and last time I wore white with it someone thought I was a waiter.

3. tough love – apart from one knee length leather skirt (which I loooove but it is a winter  item anyway), I’m not a leather fan.

4. country cool. OK. I like this. But need no encouragement to wear brown or olive green.

5. burgundy. OK. I do like the burgundy pants. but that kind of rules out burgundy handbags.

6. scarlet fever – meh. See post on red shoes.

7. Animal magnetism – I have THE perfect brown leopard scarf from ASOS. that’s enough animal.

8. the slipper. Not convinced. Especially not for summer.

9. fit and flare. I wore dresses like this when I was ten. That’s enough for one lifetime.

10. costume drama. I do have a big ugly necklace stashed away somewhere… But not the lifestyle to ever bust it out.

11. check it. I have a pair of check knicker bockers that I bought once from Espirit – not as bad as they sound. Unfortunately I never actually wear them. An item that I often put on, and… then take off.

12. Sweater girl. not for summer.

13. straight laced. I just can’t do lace. I’m not girly enough.

14. the jetsetter – I don’t even know what they mean by this. oh. just looked at it further. they mean ethnic. Ethnic and jet setter are NOT the same thing. I hate crusties and reggae. Kind of rules me out I think.

So my credit card provider can relax. Not tempted by net-a-porter.