The answer is…

I’ve been trying to stop the 5 o’clock wine for a while now. I stop and then I start. The difficulty has been working out the reason for it. Why can’t I stop when I want to stop?

I’m not an alcoholic in the sense of drinking until I pass out or embarrassing myself. But I love sitting down at the end of the day with a wine and the crossword.

I’m not a binge eater in the sense of starving myself and then gorging on food. But I struggle to resist the compulsion to have that wine.

I am desperate to stop because it is unhealthy, I’m gaining weight and I feel tired the next day. Alcohol disagrees with me. I’m not a big drinker.

My latest attempt is to treat it as a form of emotional eating. The wine is relaxing, helps with the back pain, but it is also a distraction from what I’m really feeling. I worry about the wine instead of my real worries.

Books recommended to me were:

50 ways to soothe yourself without food.

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The Emotional Eater’s Repair Manual

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I have to confess that I haven’t read either book all the way through but I’ve already read enough to inspire me to miss wine o’clock the last few nights. Who knows if it will last?

I think it is the answer though. I think wine o’clock is a (poor) way to deal with my emotions. At least I finally know why it is happening so I can work on changing it, because none of the advice for alcoholics or binge eaters worked for me. I don’t have anyone to apologise to. Myself, maybe? I don’t need a healthy meal plan and to avoid starving myself.

Also as a side note, this is the reason for the lack of posting. Firstly due to my frustration and shame at not being able to stop. Then my reluctance to post about self help books. But there you go. It is what it is. I read a self help book or two, and I’m ok. Pass it on.