Full of resolution

I arrived home yesterday after an extended trip around the world (my post-cancer bucket list tour). It is so good to be home. It is so good to unpack and not have to re-pack. I have been away long enough that I see my home with fresh eyes. (I really have to get rid of the ’00s paint job in the house).

It feels like the beginning of the year for me.

So I have been doing lots of new year resolution / pre returning to work organisational activities. It’s been very satisfying.

Goal 1. Eat healthier, tastier food without guilt.

After being on the road it is good to return to the eating plan I agreed with my dietician. I’m happy not thinking about food too much. I’d happily eat tea and toast every meal. So the “tastier” part of my goal is me trying to add some interest to what I’m eating so I a) notice what I’m eating (I wolf food down a lot) and b) get some pleasure out of it.

Food is one of life’s simple pleasures. If you enjoy the healthy stuff, the junk won’t seem so attractive (I hope).

Goal 2. Stop drinking alcohol.

After never having a problem with alcohol, I have become very dependent on my 5 o’clock wine since finishing chemo last year. It doesn’t take a rocket science to understand why. But I figure a year has gone by.

Using alcohol to cope is a VERY BAD IDEA.

It is an addictive drug.

I don’t enjoy drinking in moderation.

I have stopped.

What has helped me is the book: The Naked Mind.

I read this book while on my trip and while still drinking alcohol every night. Then when I got home I stopped. I like a good full stop. A memorable date. A new start.

What I have found so far (and it is early days) is that I have a lot more time to kill. I have realised how much time I’ve wasted… drinking. No wonder I never got anything done. I am trying to recall what I did before cancer, before wine o’clock. How did I pass the time?

Goal 3. Come up with some better goals.

My goals kind of suck, right? Ok, I am trying to get my shit back together after a few crappy years but still… I need some more aspirational, non-selfish goals.

Make the world a better place.

Give me something to look forward to.

I guess that’s my reason for drinking right there. It’s also a consequence of my drinking. Sure I’ve been “fully functional”, but I think alcohol has prevented me from planning anything good in my life. I hadn’t really noticed until now.

Wow. Quite a revelation.